Day 37

 

Adoption

 

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

 

Romans 8:23

 

 

When Cathy and I were married we both knew that her having children was probably out of the question. First of all her heart was damaged from chemo therapy and having a baby would be too stressful for it. Secondly we were not even sure she could have children. The chemo had not only damaged her heart but her kidneys as well and for all we knew her reproductive organs.

 

We both loved kids so we planned to adopt. We were young and naïve and did not have a clue about the difficulty and the cost of adoption. After we had been married a few years we began to look into adoption and were shocked at what we learned.

 

We learned that we had several things going against us. One was her health. We were not sure an adoption agency would think she was healthy enough to raise a child. A second problem was my age. I was in my mid thirties by then and the window of opportunity for most adoption agencies, at that time,  was forty. That meant we had to find one that would take us as quickly as possible.

 

But the biggest hurdle for us was the money. Back then it was going to cost around $10,000. That was approximately $10,000 more than we had. I was a youth minister and that was close to half of what I made in a year. As a nurse she would have made more money than I did but she was sick so often and unable to work that she didn't make that much either.

 

Despite all that I had faith it would work out. We picked an adoption agency, did all the paperwork and had a home visit. I was at youth camp with my youth group when I got a call from Cathy telling me I had to be home the next day because the adoption agency was coming to tell us if we had been accepted or not. I drove home the next day and my faith was rewarded. We were in.

 

There was still the issue about the money though. Where would it come from? I kept reassuring Cathy that we wouldn't have made it as far as we had if God wasn't going to provide the money.

 

My Dad's mom had to be put in a nursing home about that time. My father had to start managing her financial affairs. He was an only child and my grandmother had a brother and a sister who had no children that she inherited from so my father was in line to inherit from 3 estates. As part of managing the estates before he inherited my father had to reduce the estate to keep from paying inheritance tax. There was a law that said that for tax purposes that you could give a certain amount of money away each year to reduce the inheritance liability. Do you want to guess what the amount you could give away to each person was back then? That's right, $10,000.

 

God had demonstrated to us that he was in control and could accomplish what he wanted to accomplish. What we didn't know at the time was that the adoption agency would have to freeze the adoption process because there were not enough babies being put up for adoption. We also didn't know that Cathy's health would deteriorate so much that survival was the main issue, not adoption. And most of all we did not know that God had something even more spectacular in mind.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read Romans 8:14-17

 

• What does the presence of the Holy Spirit in our life indicate?
• What does being God's children make us?
• What do we and what will we share with Christ?

Day 36

 

It Is Not Your Fault

 

His disciples asked him, "Rabbi who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

 

John 9:2

 

 

I was in a big hospital room that had 4 beds, though only 3 were occupied. It was a cancer hospital and it was the floor that had teenagers as patients. Some of the kids were there for weeks at a time and their parents might live out of town or for some other reason not be able to be there with their child all the time. My wife, who had been a patient on that floor, was now a nurse on that floor and had asked me to come to the hospital to spend some time with a boy, barely in his teens, who was lonely.

 

So, I was there in the room playing video games with the boy when a group came in to visit another boy in the room. As the boy was explaining to me how to get free lives on Mario Brothers there was a much different conversation going on across the room.

 

The other boy was having surgery the next day. He was telling his visitors there was a good possibility he would lose his leg. That would have been bad enough for a young boy to face but what these people told him could only make it worse.

 

"If you have enough faith," they told him, "you will be well."

 

I don't care what your theology is, how can you say that to a kid? He was being told that the success of his surgery was up to him. If he didn't beat cancer it was now his fault. I was sick and I was furious.

 

What I wanted to do was walk over there and grab one of them by the ankles and dangle them out the 6th story window and say, "If you have enough faith the fall won't  kill ya."

 

I wanted to but I didn't. I know they meant well and they were visiting folks in the hospital and not many people do that. Still, any good intentions they had paled in comparison  to the harmful thing they had said.

 

What they had told the boy was nothing new; people were saying that sort of thing in Bible times. The Jews in New Testament days though if you were sick it was because you had sinned. Sometimes that is true. If you are an alcoholic and your liver goes skunky then there is a good chance it is your fault. But for most of the time if you are sick it is not your fault.

 

Jesus was asked by his disciples why a man was born blind. They wanted to know if it was some sin the blind man had committed or perhaps something his parents had done. The answer, Jesus told them, was that neither one of them was to blame. The man's blindness was an opportunity  for God's power to be displayed as Jesus healed the  man.

 

Sickness and tragedies can happen to anyone, the good, the bad, the ugly, the faithless and the faithful. The majority of the time it is not your fault and you are not being punished. It is not God's fault either. Sin and wickedness entered the world through mankind's actions not God's design. God does allow things to happen and what he wants to do is use your difficulty to work something good in your life.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read John 9:1-27

• Who did the former blind man first tell about how he was cured?
• What were the former blind man's parents afraid of?
• What was the "one thing" the cured blind man knew?
• What offer did the cured blind man make to the Pharisees?   

 

Day 35

 

The Shopping Trip

 

Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me?"  "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down."

 

1 Samuel 3:6

 

Cathy and I had just been married a short while when we went on a shopping trip to the mall. The purpose of the trip was to buy her a new dress. Having sold shoes in shopping malls, working my way through school, a trip to the mall was not the onerous task for me that it is for a lot of men. I actually enjoyed shopping at the mall. I was about to learn that shopping at the mall once you are married is totally different.

 

We went to store after store and Cathy tried on dresses. There were several I thought were fine and I told her so. For some reason I couldn't fathom we kept looking. I would see another that looked okay and would say something like, "That one is pretty good. I like that." But the search continued.

We finally had been to just about every store in the mall and a dress had not been purchased and I did not understand why. Then I saw another store we had not tried. I said, "We haven't tried that store!"

 

Cathy's reply to me was, "Do you think I am fat?"

 

The shopping trip ended and we went home with out a purchase. Later on when I summed up enough courage to ask what had happened I was informed the store was a Lane Bryant store and that it was a store for plus sized women. I had no idea that was the case.

 

Once the dust settled on that I asked how come she hadn't picked out a dress. I was informed that was my fault too. She was not looking for me to say, "That one is nice" or "That looks okay." What she wanted to hear was, "Stop right here! We have got to get that dress. Alert the media! Where is my camera? We have got to get that dress!"

 

Okay, maybe she didn't want me to be that dramatic but to be fair she could have waited a long, long time before I gave her the "Wow!" answer she was looking for. It wasn't that I didn't think my wife was pretty it's just that like a lot of men my "wows" were reserved for the NFL or the NBA.

 

It was a communication problem. I was not communicating with her how I felt about her. She was not communicating with me what she needed from me. She was hoping I would figure it out on my own but I confess that it probably never would have happened. While I am confessing I have to admit that even though I am aware of that sort of thing now it still often times zips by me without my noticing.

 

In one of my favorite stories in the Bible, God is calling Samuel and Samuel thinks that it is Eli talking. Eli has enough sense to figure out it is God talking to Samuel. Once Samuel understands that God is speaking to him he listens to what God has to say. From then on, through out 1 Samuel, we see Samuel and God communicating.

 

I believe God still speaks to us. Like young Samuel we miss what he is saying sometimes. To give us help God has a lot of it written down for us; it is called the Bible. The Holy Spirit can help us understand what God is saying to us inside and outside of his word. And we know that God will never tell us something that contradicts his word.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read 1 Samuel 3:1-21

 

• When Samuel came to understand it was God speaking to him what did he say to God?
• As he grew up how much attention did Samuel pay to God's words?
• How did God continue to reveal himself to Samuel?



 

Day 34

The Taming of The Tongue

 

"But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

 

James 3:8

 

 

In the novel Love Story, the author has one of his main characters say, "Love means never having to say you are sorry." Eric Segal should apologize for writing something so stupid. I have found (as most sane people have) that love means that you have to say your sorry on numerous occasions.

 

I know because I was apologizing while still on my honeymoon. Apparently, "You look good in the dark" does not mean the same thing as, "You look lovely this evening." And apparently it is not a good thing to say on your wedding night. And yes, I really said, "You look good in the dark." Technically and grammatically looking good in the dark and looking lovely this evening mean about the same thing but somehow they don't have the same emotional impact.

 

So, I apologized. It was the first of many apologies. I am capable of saying clever, cruel and just plain stupid things. I learned, when I was in Jr. High and the smallest kid in the school, that my mouth was my best defensive weapon. It was also, often times, the reason I needed to defend myself.

 

I had not intended to offend my wife of a few hours but I had. Words can cut and infect a heart and poison relationships. Because our words can do so much damage we must be careful how we use them. James says, "No man can tame the tongue." That is why we need supernatural help. We need to rely on the Holy Spirit that dwells in us to help us do the things we cannot.

 

One other thing: "You asphyxiate me" and "you take my breath away" do not count as the same thing either.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read James 3:1-12

 

• What objects does James compare the tongue to?
• Though the tongue is a "restless evil" can it be used to do good?
• Where do the words our tongues speak flow from?

 

Day 33

 

The Source of Beauty

 

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

 

1 Peter 3:3-4

 

I first met Cathy while I was on a date with another girl. I can't say it was love at first sight because I was, after all, on a date with someone else and not paying much attention to her. Our meeting was not a big occasion for either of us.

 

I had met a girl at a Christian book store and had asked her out on a date. We had a hard time with our schedules finding a time that we were both free. We had finally decided to  meet at the church where I was a youth minister. I was preaching the evening service that night and my date was to meet me there and after church we would go on our date. She told me she had a friend that lived in that area that was looking for a church home and asked if it was okay to invite her to the service.

The friend was Cathy and she came to the service. She sat in the back and made fun of me to my date. I was introduced to her and barely noticed her and after the service was over I went on my date with the other girl. We had a pleasant enough time together but there was nothing there.

 

The next Sunday morning Cathy was in church and filled out a visitor's card. I don't recall talking to her at the service but I called all the visitors that came to the morning service in the afternoon and I had a nice talk with her on the phone. The next Sunday morning I was looking for her. We talked at the end of the service and I asked her out to lunch (not all the visitors got that treatment) and during lunch we set a date for the next weekend.

 

She stood me up on our first date. She called late in the week and said she had to go home to Missouri for some family deal. Usually if a girl canceled a date on me I understood it to mean don't bother to call again. When she got back I thought it was worth the risk to call her again and it was.

 

Three months later I accidentally proposed to her. I had thought about it but I intended to wait a while longer to see if things

continued to go well. We were having this conversation about some distant future plans when I jokingly said, "Oh, that will

happen after we get married and have our 2.3 kids."

 

She looked at me serious and asked, "When will that be?"

 

And suddenly I was engaged. I was 33 years old. I had always been adept at getting girlfriends and even more adept at losing them. Now, I was getting married.

 

 

         Cathy had come to Houston, Texas from Missouri when she was 19. It wasn't a move of choice; she came to go to the hospital. She had cancer. She had come to M. D. Anderson hospital for chemo therapy and surgery. The kind of cancer she had most people did not survive. She had chemo therapy, limb salvage surgery where the tumor was removed along with her knee joint and an artificial knee put in its place. Then she had more chemo. During that time she enrolled in nursing school and eventually got her nursing degree. The surgery and chemo saved her life but left her with a inability to retain electrolytes and with a damaged heart.                 

 

She was a beautiful girl with blond hair and blue eyes. That was not what made her special though. She had an inner strength and determination to make the most of life. She was the most courageous person I had ever met, facing death on numerous occasions. It was that inner strength that made her so beautiful.

 

We got married about a year after we met. Her strength and mine would be tested in ways I could never have imagined.

The Photos: Cathy May Sumrall 1986 and Cathy (with the scarf on due to loss of hair during treatment) with John Denver.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7

• Does Peter say that there is anything wrong with outward beauty?
• Where is the most important source of beauty to come from?
• If someone is physically weaker does that make them less valuable?



 



Day 32

 

An Unoccupied House

 

Then it says, "I will return to the house I left." When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.

 

Matthew 12:44

 

 

One day a young lady came into my office whose mind was stuck on "free parking," in the monopoly game of life. I don't know what was wrong with her except she was crazy. She had been by before and I had talked to her mom on the phone. Tragically this young lady that had gone scooters had a 3 year old daughter that was most often the adult in this 2 person family.

 

The grandmother had rescued the 3 year old for the day and the lady was sitting in my office talking to me. It was hard to focus on what she was saying because as we were talking her head would slowly tilt upwards until she was looking at the ceiling. Then she would grab her hands in both hands and pull it down so that she was once again looking at me.

 

This went on for a while so I asked her why it was going on. She told me an unseen force was pulling her head up. So I decided to have a roll call. I called out her name and asked if she was there and she said, "Yes." I called out my own name and answered, "Present." Then I called out, "Unseen Force? Anyone here named Unseen Force?"

 

No one answered.

 

So I said, "Well it seems to be just the 2 of us here now. Unseen Force appears to have left, so could you please stop the thing with your head?"

 

The day was just beginning though. After some more conversation with her and calling a doctor on the phone it was somehow decided that I should take her to the county hospital for a psych evaluation. So,  off we went to the hospital where it turns out they had treated her before. They let her into the lockdown psych ward and I sat out in the hallway. After a while a guy came out and asked if I would come in and sit with her because she was nervous and pestering them and they were very busy and hadn't been able to see her yet.

 

Once I was in the lockdown unit it was clear why they were so busy. There was a guy who was mightily struggling to escape as they were transferring him from one gurney to another. He was incredibly strong and I was really hoping he would not get lose. He was also saying some remarkably rude things about the astronaut Sally Ride.

 

The lady and I sat at a table watching this when she made the brilliant observation, "Everybody in here is crazy! Let's leave."

 

I was not about to leave until she had seen someone. There was another lady sitting across the table from us calmly talking on a pay phone so I said, "Look not everyone in here is so bad. That lady on the phone seems nice."

 

My timing was perfect. The lady on the phone began to cuss out what was apparently her mother on the phone, telling her it was all her fault. She slammed down the phone in anger, hanging it up. She immediately picked up a quarter, dialed her mom back up and started the cussing again. She slammed it down again, grabbed still another quarter dialing up dear old mom again.

 

This caught the attention of one of the staff who told her to stop. She did. She hung up the phone, climbed up on the table, stood up and shouted, "I am going to kill everybody in here!"

 

To which I replied, "That's just great."

 

The staff chased her around the unit as she leaped from bed to bed with psychotic agility, all the while promising to kill us all. Eventually they captured her and eventually they got around to seeing the lady I had brought. They gave her some medication and told me to take her home. I don't know if the medication helped or if she was just scared straight by the lockdown unit but on the way home she seemed much better.

 

The question comes to my mind how do you know when a person is just crazy or if they are demon possessed? Yes, I do believe that people can be demon possessed. It happened in Jesus' day; I see no reason why it shouldn't happen today. I've heard missionaries that work in places where there are animistic religions, who believe they have seen demon possessed people. So, I think it can happen though I don't believe it does happen all that often. For one thing, in our society imagine the bad press Satan would get it there were loads of demon possessed people running around. Satan can keep plenty busy and keep a low profile and lull people into thinking that he or any other spiritual reality does not exist.

My first thought when I see someone acting crazy is that they are just that, crazy. Perhaps they can be medically helped or they may need to institutionalized.

 

Jesus talks about a person who was demon possessed and then the evil spirit leaves. Later the evil spirit returns to that same person who has cleaned their life up because their "house is unoccupied."

 

That is the danger of an unoccupied house. You can live a good moral life (at least by human standards) and be unoccupied. There is a void where God should be and somebody or some thing that is not worthy of the God spot in your life moves in. The good news for Christians is if a demon should try to occupy you, he will find the Holy Spirit is already there and saying, "Sorry, no room in the inn."

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read Matthew 12:22-29, 43-45

 

• How could the crowd tell Jesus had healed the demon possessed man?
• What did the Pharisees accuse Jesus of?
• What is the danger of an "unoccupied" house?     

 

Day 31

 

A Friendship Bracelet

 

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

 

Proverbs 17:17

 

 

Eleanor was going to have a hard time after she graduated high school. I could see it coming. Because of her family situation she was going to be pretty much on her own. As long as she  was in high school, being involved in the youth group was enough to keep her out of harm's way but years of youth ministry told me she was not grounded enough in faith and had too much emotional baggage to stand on her own.

Experience had taught me that the usual causes for celebration for teenagers were also the opportunities  for disastrous defeats. When a kid gets their driver's license it is a cause to celebrate and a time to watch out for reckless behavior. A teenager getting their first job, starting dating, graduating high school or going off to college are all special occasions but they are accompanied by enormous pits they can fall into.  It's a question of maturity. Are they mature enough to handle their new freedom and do they realize that with freedom comes responsibility?

We live in a society that gives teenagers too much information, too much freedom and responsibility without guidance. Kids in elementary school know more about sex than I did when I graduated high school. That doesn't mean they are mature. There is a difference between social maturity and emotional maturity.

You can be socially mature and not treat the people you date with respect. That takes emotional maturity. You can be socially mature and be a menace to society when you drive. You can be socially mature and be a worthless employee. If you lack real maturity you use people, you put people at risk, you expect too much for so little and think life is a party.

Eleanor was socially mature. On the surface she appeared to be all grown up. The truth was she was not ready for the freedom of being on her own. She got a job and fell into a lifestyle in which there were fleeting moments of joy in a sea of crushing guilt and emotional despair.

I had moved and was serving at another church and lost track of her. A couple of years went by and one day she called me. I encouraged her to get back in church and to get right with God.

She told me, "I've been kind of disappointed with God lately."

I told her, "I think God has been kind of disappointed in you too."

I haven't heard much from her as the years have gone by. I still think about her sometimes because kids in my youth groups will always be my kids even though I may not know where they are. Years ago Eleanor made me one of those friendship bracelets made out of embroidery thread. From time to time I wear it to remind me to pray for her.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read 1 Samuel 20:1-42

• What did David ask Jonathon to do?
• What did Jonathon ask David to promise to do?
• When would David and Jonathon's friendship come to an end?