Day 70

 

Indoor Hunting Season

 

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

 

1 Peter 5:8

 

I got the phone call. An elderly man my son worked for, mowing his lawn, had a squirrel in his house and wanted someone with a BB gun to dispatch the squirrel. The man had plenty of guns in his home but didn't feel like blowing a hole in his floor with a shot gun so a BB gun was needed.

He wasn't interested in catch and release because multiple squirrels had been in his attic keeping him awake at night. As anyone who has ever had a squirrel problem knows, squirrels are just rats with a bushy tail and good PR. My son and I had been over at his house before, at his request, to try and chase squirrels out of his attic. He wanted to arm us both with shot guns and get the squirrels caught in a cross fire as they exited the attic. I may have been raised in the city and relatively inexperienced at country living but getting squirrels in a cross fire seemed more dangerous to humans than to squirrels. So the plan was altered to my son waiting outside at the squirrels exit point with a shot gun while I chased the squirrels out of the attic. I was smart enough to nix the cross fire idea but must have used up my quota of clear thinking when I willingly participated in the man's idea to chase the squirrels out of the attic. To get the squirrels out of the attic I was to crawl up in the attic and set off some firecrackers. The end result of that was that I had a ringing in my ears for 2 days and no squirrels left the attic.

But now there was a squirrel in the man's bedroom, so Ethan and I loaded up the BB gun to do a little indoor squirrel hunting. I was hoping indoor squirrel hunting season was year round. We arrived to find the squirrel cornered in a corner (where else?) behind a trash can.

My son placed the BB gun as close to the squirrel as possible, perhaps an inch away, and pulled the trigger. It was then we discovered this was no ordinary squirrel but a rare Transylvanian vampire squirrel. One shot at close range just enraged the squirrel. We needed a silver BB or holy water to combat this fiend.

The squirrel raced around the room like it's tail was on fire. It ran between my legs with Ethan shooting BB after BB at it and me dancing like I was in a cartoon western with BBs pinging around my feet. Finally the squirrel ran into the master closet, went up some coats and hid behind a suitcase on a shelf that was about eye level with me. I armed myself with a broom and instructed my son to shoot the squirrel as I moved the suitcase out of the way so he could get a clear shot.

I moved the suit case out of the way with the broom handle and suddenly the little vampire launched himself right at my face. His viscous little claws were outstretched ready to latch on to my face and his little razor sharp vampire teeth poised to sink into my flesh.

My heart stopped beating in fear. A quick move of my head and he flew right past my ear, right over my shoulder and chased my son out of that walk in closet. Once my heart started beating again it was at a highly accelerated rate.

I have never been attacked by a wild (or tame) lion before and I hope that I never will be. A crazed vampire squirrel was enough to scare the patoobies  out of me. Peter says the devil is roaming around like a lion waiting for someone to devour. I, for one, am going to follow Peter's advice and be alert. I'm not sure my heart could take a lion attack.

For the squeamish who may be reading this I will spare you the details of the squirrel's demise. No squirrel was going to make a monkey out of me. We killed him 3 times. With vampire squirrels you err on the side of caution.

 

Upon Further Review:

 

Read 1 Peter 5:8-11

• Peter warns us to be self-controlled. Does losing self-control make you more susceptible to Stan's attacks?
• How are we to resist the devil?
• What happens to us before we are made stronger?